I have been reading a lot of non-fiction books

Hello. I am out searching for my true self. If I should get back before I return, please keep me here and ask me to wait. Confusing? Yeah, tell me about it...

OK. I am reading a lot of non-fiction books. Mostly to help me with my tendency to get depressed. I mean, basically, to deal with it and get over it!!! Believe me an illness and a compulsion is not something people do to enjoy themselves. We don't intend to get depressed and don't choose it and when we try to stop it--it's nearly impossible. Unfortunately it gets worse if we try to ignore it.

My doc took me off the antidepressants and my depression lifted immediately. It also stopped my compulsive eating. I wish I had realized this would happen. I would have stopped my meds (and emotional eating) 10 pounds ago.

I am on a low dosage of mood stabilizers and thank goodness I am feeling hopeful now and occasionally joyful.

Wowee.

I am currently reading, among other books by Beverly Engle and Pia Melody about emotional healing and codependency, FACING LOVE ADDICTION.

All can say is "WHEW." I thought I was going crazy. I have been under the influence of a an addiction of sorts, similar to overeating, codependency, and alcoholism, and attempting to relate to a person who has some "addictions" that mesh with mine and trap us both in a toxic non-relationship.

I decided to be the wise and strong one and break out of the pattern and call it quits. It is out of respect for myself and my buddy. The relationship was working, just in a way opposite the way we hoped and wanted. Sort of love/hate relationship with attraction/avoidance cycles that were making us both worse and worse.

I am wanting to recommend that my partner in crime, my former bestfriend will read it too, but it's not my job anymore to fix him anymore that it was my job to contribute to the whole relationship of love/avoidance addictions in the first place.

I want to thank the author Pia Mellody with Andrea and J. Keith Miller co-authors as well as my therapist who recommended the book.

I feel like I am born-again and on the verge of a new style of life as a single/widowed middle-aged woman.

I am thinking of changing my name to JOY like I always wanted to.

Hope and Joy, Ahhhhhhhhhh

Sandy